31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 4 – Take a shower together {gasp!}

October 4, 2011 3 Comments
NOTE: Ladies {and gents} you may want to be extra careful about who’s reading this over your shoulder today!  This is a PG blog, but today you might want the kiddos to go read a book.  Or clean the toilet. Or something else constructive. 
{Hey there! Thanks for stopping by to follow my new series 31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive.  Every day in the month of October I’ll be giving you tips and tricks on how to make your marriage spectacular. Feel free to follow me on Twitter @LilbearMe  for more #31dmymt, and check the bottom of this post for the beginning posts of this series!}

Day 4 – Take a shower or bath together.

Wow. Doesn’t sound too difficult, does it? Pretty straightforward and doesn’t need much explaining, right??

Ladies, when was the last time you took a shower or bath with your husband?  Okay, don’t answer that because I’m afraid you’re going to tell me “Never” or “Uh, what decade is this?”  Not to get all steamy here {pardon the pun}, but there’s more to spending time with your man in some hot water than you think.

Stress-free
Taking a shower together gives you both a chance to relax.  The hot spray can wash away the stresses at the end of a long, hectic day or charge you both up to start your morning right.  It’s a quick way to get clean so you have time for other things…like talking!

On the other hand, a bath is a more leisurely way to spend time together.  Soaking in a tub of hot water has a great way of melting away any issues and helping you get more connected to one another.

Setting the Scene  
First of all, you don’t have to have a celebrity-sized bathroom or a huge garden tub to enjoy a little water together.  In our first apartment as newlyweds, my husband and I enjoyed several soaks and showers in a standard tub.  It can be done.  Sometimes it may seem like a tight fit if you’re tall, but that makes it more fun.

Let’s talk about setting the scene. Placing a few candles around the room sends a warm, soft glow that feels relaxing and inviting.  If they’re scented with a subtle vanilla or your own favorite aroma, that’s even better. {Our fave is called Christmas cookie.}

If the candles are unscented but you still want a pretty smell in the room, try spritzing just a bit of your own perfume in the air.  Or here’s another idea.  I love the smell of bath salts and gels, but I don’t necessarily want that smell on my skin.  

Before our shower or bath, I’ll heat up a cup or two of water in the microwave and bring it to the bathroom. Then I just drop a little bath salt ball in and let the aroma drift about the room. 

What about the kids? 
 ”But we have a newborn…how can we take a shower together?”  That’s easy.  Babies are very agreeable when water is running.  The sound seems to soothe them.

When our daughter was an infant, we’d put her to sleep in her angled bouncy seat placed right in front of the shower.  That way we could see her while spending some water time with each other.  Just wait until your little one is fed and dry, put her to sleep in her carseat or swing near the shower or tub, and enjoy while keeping an eye on her.

If you have older children, that’s when you get more creative.  Who says your bath has to be at a certain time?  Use the hour that works with your kids’ schedules.  If they’re asleep by 7pm, then make your shower or bath date for 7:30 or 8.  If they stay up late, why not have an early morning shower together?

Of course, sleepovers at grandma’s house or with a friend are like bonus points!  Grab those opportunities whenever you can.

Surprise!

The strategy for your shower or bath can be up to you.  If your plan is to relax and talk, then do that.  If something else is up your sleeve, go for it.  And ladies, there are no rules against you surprising your man.  Imagine how thrilled he would be to have you join him even for a quick morning shower before he dashes off to work.

The whole purpose behind taking a shower or bath with your husband is for you both to get connected and stay connected.  When you feel in-sync with each other it makes for a marriage that thrives!

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Here’s the rest of the series “31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive”:
For more 31 Days series’ visit The Nester.

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That Cat!

December 15, 2008 1 Comment

I’m too busy for this. Too busy for what, you say?
It was early this morning when I made it into the kitchen to discover the massacre. There they were lying on the floor. One was dismembered, one was badly scarred across the stomach. The rest…well, they didn’t make it. The beast had gotten to most before I arrived on the scene.

The victims? Our gingerbread people. The culprit?

The cat — which one of our cats didn’t matter since they’re a conglomerate when even one causes me grief. So they’re all guilty.

While we were sleeping somebody grabbed the package of freshly baked g-men (okay, too funny). Mr C, who decorated them along with Memom, was devastated.

I didn’t catch who did it, but I had my suspicions. Thing 1 loves chewing on plastic bags. Go figure. But Thing 2 loves eating anything the humans eat. Hmmm.

So I forgot the whole deal while I was at the dentist. Yea, that was a real Christmas treat, too.

Once home again the kids and I were sitting on the couch eating lunch when Thing 2 walked up. With a distinct odor. I lifted his tail to reveal evidence that a major explosion had just taken place. So, how’re those sandwiches, kids?!

Upon confirming said explosion in the litter box — you don’t want those details — I realized that I had found the perpetrator of the cookie carnage from this morning. Gingerbread may be every humans’ dream, but it just doesn’t agree with a cat’s constitution.

I unceremoniously dropped Thing 2 in my shower and closed the shower door.

A shower stall is like solitary for cats. They can see what’s happening outside their prison – like Thing 1 rolling around on the bathroom floor with some catnip – but they can’t get out. The deliciously slick, 5′ shower walls are immune to even the sharpest feline claws. And no, my cats cannot jump five feet. Otherwise I’d be on Circus of the Stars.

So I finally climbed into the shower with Thing 2 but was determined to not get wet this time. Yes, this happens occasionally. He’s a long-haired cat and, sorry to say, poop happens.

I rolled my jeans up to my knees and pushed back my sleeves. This chick is not getting wet. Maybe damp, but not wet.

So I attached the sprayer-hose-thingy to the shower head, turned on the water, and proceeded with the fun. I decided to just clean up the necessary end of the cat since, well, I just don’t have time for this.

As I finished, Thing 2 decided he was going to make a run for it. Via my body. With help from his claws. But he forgot, as he always does, that I am so on to him and his tricks. So as he starts to shimmy up my left leg in a vain attempt to reach my skull and leap over the shower wall, I scruff him and place him in the corner. With Baby.

So there, a little damp but still doing fine. Ha!

It was at this time that I made a monumental mistake and unhooked the sprayer-hose-thingy from the shower head. Without first turning the water off.

It was like a Lucy moment with the water spraying me in the face, soaking my shirt and pants before I had the sense to shut off the water. Looking at the cat, I swear I saw him smiling.

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31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 8 – Be Affectionate in Public

October 8, 2011 Leave a Comment
{Hey there! Thanks for stopping by to follow my new series 31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive.  Every day in the month of October I’ll be giving you tips and tricks on how to make your marriage spectacular. Feel free to follow me on Twitter @LilbearMe  for more #31dmymt, and check the bottom of this post for the beginning posts of this series!}
 
Day 8 – Be affectionate to your spouse in public
While in the course of every day life, we’re bound to see someone exhibiting PDA {public displays of affection}.  In movies, at the mall, or even in our neighborhoods, couples tend to show their feelings for one another.  Are you one of those couples? You should be!
Before you get confused, let me set the record straight.  I’m not advising you and your husband to step into the middle of a busy street and start groping one another.  The point is not for you to put on a show for passersby; it’s to send a message to your man that you love him, wherever you are, and you’re not embarrassed to show it.
Showing affection in public can be many things like holding hands, sharing a kiss, or just standing with your arms around each others’ waists.  Doing this solidifies the marital connection you have with each other.   And let’s not forget one ideal location to show your love: at home in front of your kids.
I remember in my childhood seeing my parents affectionate with each other.  Dad would come home from work and Mom would be there to greet him.  Even now in my mind I can clearly see his arms encircling her waist, her arms around his neck, and them taking a moment for a kiss.  And viewing this scene, over and over again, cemented in my young brain a positive marriage relationship.
That doesn’t mean life was perfect. My parents still had arguments and issues, but my sisters and I always saw how committed they were to each other.  It set the stage for things to come.
TechDaddy and I have always shown affection for each other in front of our kids. When the kids see us snuggling on the couch during a family movie, holding hands at a Disney park, or me resting my head on TechDaddy’s chest with his arms around me, they feel relaxed that their world is safe.
Whether we make out kiss, grope hug, or hold hands, we’re sending a sweet reminder to them: we love each other and we’re in it for the long haul no matter what.  Doing this accomplishes bonus points for parenting and marriage.  On our “parenting agenda”: (1) maintain a family atmosphere where the kids feel secure; and (2) mold in their minds what a healthy marriage looks like.
It also accomplishes one very important ideal for my husband and me: be loving to each other as much as possible. Yes, it’s great to set a positive example for our kids, but showing affection to each other speaks volumes!  It says “You’re important to me,” “I’m so happy you’re mine,” and “I’ll love you forever.”

So next time you and your man are out and about, show him some affection and let him shower you with love right back.  It will make your marriage thrive!

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Here’s the rest of the series “31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive”:
For more 31 Days series’ visit The Nester.

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Praying for Snow

January 8, 2010 Leave a Comment

I know, I know.  Just yesterday I was lauding the fact that here, in Florida, we have been without snow while almost the rest of the nation has been inundated with the stuff.

I have always been content that Florida has remained as God has intended this state to be. Snow-free.

So it might be a surprise to anyone reading this that I now want snow.  Here.  At my house.

{{A surprise to everyone but you, Honey, since you know how often I change my mind. Wink, wink.}}

In fact, I’m so eagar for snow that I’m praying for it.  This is a surprise to me since snow has never been on my prayer list or shown up in my prayer journal.  Not once. 

But as the local weather forecasters have been dangling the idea of snow over my head for a few days now, I am very hopeful — prayerful — that the frozen precipitation will actually arrive at my house this weekend.

Notice that I said “arrive at my house“.  I know full well that any snowflakes in these-here-parts will melt as soon as they hit the ground, if not sooner. C’mon, I was born but not yesterday.

I also have previous experience with Florisnow — my own favorite new label for silly snowflakes that try to fall in the Sunshine state.  When I was a little cutie all of 8-years-old and living in South Florida, we were surprised with a mere shimmering of Florida snow in January.

I was home with the chicken pox and my mom called me to come outside.  As my dad was getting ready to leave for work, we caught sight of little Flori-flakes {hee hee} melting as they landed on his coat.  It was neato!  I’ll never forget that moment.

And so I’d love to share a moment like that with my chicklets and hubby.  We’ll see what God has planned.  Nothing is impossible with Him.  Even snow in Florida.

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When He Calls Me "Mom"

April 5, 2011 2 Comments

Sometimes when I wake him I forget how much he’s grown. In the dim light of morning, I see him snuggled under the sheet with only his head showing, and I think on his little voice that used to ask for snuggles after I’d read to him before sleep.

And then he wakes to my “good morning” and says “hi, Mommy” as he stretches. But the voice is now deep and the previously curled up ball of his limbs and torso emerge to reveal long arms and legs and 13-year-old hands that dwarf mine. Then he smiles, showing another departure from youth. Braces now cover the top row of teeth, altering the grin I was so used to, and in the increasing light creeping into his room I see the field of soft dark hairs above his lip and on his chin begging for a razor. My boy is growing tall and strong. Muscles are becoming more defined where once there was baby fat. I see the physical signs of his growth constantly now.
We still read together at night by the light of his lamp. And sometimes he asks “can we talk for a little while?” where he’ll share his dreams or what he’d like to spend his allowance on or a joke. And he’s growing even still, but this time it’s in manly things. My boy is growing in integrity and becoming a gentleman. My mothering is changing again as he spends more time with his dad and a little less with me. And my heart hurts a bit even while cheering him on.
It comes as a surprise, like a Florida sun-shower. Like when we’re around others and he calls me by a strange new name – when he calls me “Mom” – that I feel the growing pains sprinkling on my heart.
I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, if I threw up my hands and shrugged and said “whatever.” This boy is part of my heart. I carried him inside of me, waited breathlessly in a sensitive pregnancy for the ultrasound tech, who proclaimed “the baby looks good” and “you’re having a boy.” For my son I learned to embrace boy culture for the first time, something new and foreign to a female raised in a house full of girls. For this boy, who is so like me in temperament that I giggle as well as cringe, I would do anything and go anywhere.
I know this is what he needs. I know that growth is good even while the hurt is still real. Without growth people become stagnant and stunted. But with it you see independence and responsibility. This man-cub is moving toward his future. I ponder over what that could bring, his “future.” Learning… falling in love… marriage… travel… children… adventure… leadership…
So as he changes so will I. Why? For him. Because I see the leader in him and the possible vastness of his reach. I see his potential and want him to succeed. Because in the growth I see goodness and truth.
Growth always brings change, and often times pain tags along, but greatness emerges from that as well. There will be more change for him even after he has left our nest to make his own. And in my heart I embrace his future for that is good.

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31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 9 – Love His People

October 9, 2011 Leave a Comment
{Hey there! Thanks for stopping by to follow my new series 31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive.  Every day in the month of October I’ll be giving you tips and tricks on how to make your marriage spectacular. Feel free to follow me on Twitter @LilbearMe  for more #31dmymt, and check the bottom of this post for the beginning posts of this series!}
Day 9 – Love his people.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “When you marry someone you also marry their family.”  I, for one, do not agree with that quote. Well, not entirely.  While you didn’t actually marry your husband’s parents and siblings and Great Aunt Bertha, you did take on the role as a member of his now-extended family.  And with that comes a certain level of responsibility.
Now that you’re married there is no more “his family” and “her family.” The two of you {and any kids you add to the mix} are your own family.  But let’s not forget where your hubby came from or who raised him.
Whether you adore your mother-in-law or think she’s one broom flight away from someone dropping a house on her {sans the Flying Monkeys}, making a good relationship between you two is essential.  She did, after all, have something to do with the raising of your man.  When he was little she probably kissed his cheek when he skinned his knees, stayed up all night when he had a fever, and baked his favorite cookies.  She loves him, too.
Even if you live on the other side of the planet from her {or any other extended family members}, try keeping in contact through an occasional email or a card.  Remember her on her birthday and Mother’s Day by sending her flowers {and reminding hubby to give her a call}.  She’ll love the thought — and if she’s wise she’ll realize your heart is in it, too.
Besides, when you show love to your in-laws it will silently encourage your man to get along with his in-laws {your people}, too.  And when everyone is getting along {or trying to at least} it makes for better relationships all around, and that makes your marriage thrive!
How do you make your in-law relationships work?
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Here’s the rest of the series “31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive”:
For more 31 Days series’ visit The Nester.

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31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 7 – Speak Nicely About Your Mate

October 7, 2011 Leave a Comment
{Hey there! Thanks for stopping by to follow my new series 31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive.  Every day in the month of October I’ll be giving you tips and tricks on how to make your marriage spectacular. Feel free to follow me on Twitter @LilbearMe  for more #31dmymt, and check the bottom of this post for the beginning posts of this series!}
Day 7 – Speak nicely about your mate
Yesterday’s tip was all about you and lifting yourself up in your eyes and your husband’s.  Today I want you to focus on your man because one surefire way to boost your marriage is to speak positively about him.
Tell the truth.  Don’t you love it when your guy says sweet things to you? Isn’t it even better when he says something great to someone else about you? If I happen to hear from another person about my husband’s kind words, it makes me feel awesome!  Well, the same thing goes for my man.
Do yourself a favor and always speak positively about your husband.  Whether you’re speaking to your neighbor, coworker, or friend those kind words will do more good than you know.  He may never hear about your uplifting rhetoric, but you’re still laying good, solid groundwork for your marriage.
It goes without saying, but avoiding negative conversations about your man is best.  Even if he never meets some of your gal pals, just repeating derogatory things to them about him will subconsciously lower your husband in your own eyes. And by derogatory, I’m also talking about what some might refer to as “little things”. Mentioning instances like “He always forgets to take out the garbage,” or “My husband never helps with the kids,” will just perpetuate those beliefs in your own mind and cause you to feel resentful toward him.  Then you’ll be caught in a vicious cycle of negative thoughts and expecting him to not follow through.
Talk about defeat!  Your marriage will tank quicker than a lead fishing weight in a duck pond!
Instead of sharing your man’s latest mistake — and we ALL make mistakes  — tell your girlfriend or sister about how he replaced your old, nasty bathroom faucet with a shiny brand new one {but skip the part about him flooding the room}.  Mention that he got the kids up in time for church.  Explain how he woke up just to kiss you at dark o’clock as you headed out the door for an early morning run.
When you say positive words about your husband to others, in turn you’ll be thinking great thoughts about him which will help you feel connected to him and he to you.  And being connected with your spouse is a definite sign that you’re helping to make your marriage thrive!
What kind words have you shared about your man lately?
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Here’s the rest of the series “31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive”:
For more 31 Days series’ visit The Nester.

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Filed Under: love and marriage

31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 6 – Tell Yourself You’re Awesome!

October 6, 2011 Leave a Comment

{Hey there! Thanks for stopping by to follow my new series 31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive.  Every day in the month of October I’ll be giving you tips and tricks on how to make your marriage spectacular. Feel free to follow me on Twitter @LilbearMe  for more #31dmymt, and check the bottom of this post for the beginning posts of this series!}

Day 6 – Tell Yourself You’re Awesome
Sometimes, in the course of a day, we might find ourselves speaking negatively about another person.  Not the best situation to find oneself in, however, it happens.  But ladies, do you ever find yourself saying those things about YOURSELF?  Yep, me too.
I used to be prone to finding myself in front of the mirror, lamenting in my head about the size of my backside, how flat my hair looks, or the fine lines around my eyes.  Away from the mirror was worse.  I’d drift off to sleep, pondering a discussion or article I read about the perfect wife or best mother, and I’d pick at myself mentally. Even worse, I would speak these thoughts out loud and TO MY HUSBAND!
Now, if you think that’s no big deal, consider this: what you say over and over again, silently or out loud, becomes cemented in your head and your heart…and potentially in anyone else who’s listening.
Just like when you’d study for a test in school, you would inevitably repeat the facts from your history class or chem lab over and over until you had them memorized.  Well, that’s exactly what you are doing every time you speak words about yourself, negative or positive.
And here’s the kicker: when we continually say cutting things about ourselves to our man, like “I’m getting so fat” or “I’m such a lousy cook,” that’s just like saying “I’m no good. No one should want to be with me.” That’s definitely NOT the message we want to send, right?
And please, oh please, when he does say something sweet about how you look, don’t give him a frown and say “No I don’t” or “I look good?! In this?! You need to get your eyes checked.”  That will just drive a wedge between you.
Instead of the junk, speak positive, uplifting words about yourself.  When you look in the mirror, smile and give thanks for the hair God blessed you with, the health of your body, and the opportunity to greet another day.  Say positive things about yourself to your man like “I think these jeans make my behind look cute, don’t you think so, Honey?” or “I love the way this soup/spaghetti/casserole came out. It tastes amazing!”
When you give yourself props {without being boastful} your husband will follow suit, if he isn’t already.  And when he compliments the way you’re styling your hair, how great the tuna tastes, or how hot you look, agree with him!
Let your positive self-esteem shine!  Saying words of life will help your marriage to thrive!
Do you speak positive words about yourself?
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Here’s the rest of the series “31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive”:
For more 31 Days series’ visit The Nester.

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Thankful

December 2, 2008 1 Comment

I know it’s not Thanksgiving anymore, but I found this at Bunny Trails and couldn’t resist. After all, I’m thankful all year long for what and whom is on my list (and not in any order). Enjoy!
1. My man, Spider X (such a great best friend)
2. Catz, my sweet girl
3. Mr C, my funny boy
4. afternoon sun shining in my bedroom window
5. music, preferably played loud
6. my home
7. the scent of a roaring fire
8. Krispy Kreme donuts
9. muffins, cupcakes, and all foods baked
10. our Nikon D70
11. my hubby’s ultimate computer intelligence
12. our quiet neighborhood
13. my mom (my prayer warrior)
14. homeschooling (What a blessing!)
15. Photoshop
16. my lost Ipod (I miss you!)
17. old movies
18. our cat-kids
19. my sisters
20. my brothers
21. memories of Dad
22. memories of my brother Roger
23. 2nd chances
24. the smell of cookies baking (or anything baking for that matter)
25. being sick-free since August
26. spending time with my family
27. Netflix (who knew?!)
28. yummy bread (Swedish coffecake…mmmm!)
29. my 3 oldest nephews and their positive impact on my kids
30. seeing bears walking in my neighborhood
31. traveling with my family
32. camping
33. Christian music
34. my garden
35. brownies (preferably made with Ghiradelli chocolate)
36. healing of Mr C’s former wart colony
37. Baby Blues comic strip
38. Mac & Cheesy (not-enuf) Ham
39. the smell of sweet alyssum
40. playing in the dirt
41. taking fun photos of my kids
42. Family Movie time
43. Rose is Rose comic strip
44. The Peanuts theme song
45. pizza (almost any kind, anytime)
46. baking
47. God, my heavenly Father
48. blogging (It’s fun!)
49. family-friendly movie companies
50. flannel sheets (snuggly warm!)
51. hot chocolate with whipped cream
52. praying in the shower
53. leftovers (I don’t like to eat ‘em, but I like to serve ‘em when I’m busy.)
54. the experience we had raising the squirrels
55. scrapbooking (Gee, I’d like to do that someday…it looks like fun.)
56. reading funny posts that make me LOL
57. crafts
58. JoAnn’s and Michael’s
59. getting nails done with Catz
60. swinging with Mr C (He’s so snuggly but almost too big for my lap!)
61. baking with the kids
62. my sewing machine (what is that racket?)
63. Belgian chocolate shake at Hagen Dazs
64. Spider X’s desire to make me happy
65. sewing
66. being married to my beloved
67. the nice folks at the supermarket (I practically live there)
68. Shoebox Heirlooms
69. cooking shows
70. when my family is happy
71. the Magnum
72. my MIL and FIL (’cause they raised my beloved)
73. buffets (I love a variety!)
74. God’s never-ending grace
75. Spider X’s vast knowledge of everything computer/electronic/gadget
76. wildlife in our yard

 

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31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 5 – Let Him Chill

October 5, 2011 2 Comments
{Hey there! Thanks for stopping by to follow my new series 31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive.  Every day in the month of October I’ll be giving you tips and tricks on how to make your marriage spectacular. Feel free to follow me on Twitter @LilbearMe  for more #31dmymt, and check the bottom of this post for the beginning posts of this series!}
Day 5 – Give him chill time after work.
Whether he’s just walked in the door from a one-hour commute or walked downstairs after a 2 hour conference call in his home office, your man needs some time to decompress. True, some guys walk in the door from work ready to roughhouse with the kids or whisk you out to dinner, but most need a little bit of a transition. Your husband has just spent most of his day in a completely different environment than what he finds at home. A decent night’s sleep is part of the transition he needs to adjust from home to work in the morning. But coming home from his job requires adjustment as well.
Arriving home only to be bombarded with a “honey-do” list of home maintenance, having the baby thrust in his arms, or hearing you launch into a tirade about a frustrating phone call will not relax your husband. And you do want him relaxed, right?
‘Cause when he’s been given chill time, your man will be in a better frame of mind to give you a hand with dinner, play with the kids, or just snuggle with you on the couch.  And, he’ll also be more willing to give you some much-needed chill time.
My man works from his office in our home but can end a busy day of calls and demos feeling exhausted. So when he comes downstairs at the end of the day, after planting some yummy kisses on me, he’ll stretch out in his recliner and read news and posts on his iPad for around 30 minutes.
The kids know to save their questions until we all sit down for dinner, and unless I have an emergency I can wait until my one-on-one time later. Now my hubby gets to chill, letting go of the day’s stresses before spending a fun evening with the rest of the family.  And when the stress is gone, that makes a marriage and a family thrive!
What tips do you have for providing chill time?
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Here’s the rest of the series “31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive”:
For more 31 Days series’ visit The Nester.

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Filed Under: love and marriage
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